my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
