Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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