Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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