South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
