I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
