jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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