me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
