If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
