Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
