Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
