Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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