We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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