So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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