Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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