One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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