loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
