So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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