Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
