dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
