Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize