found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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