If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
