I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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