You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
