I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
