Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
