tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
