The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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