just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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