Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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