it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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