Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
