Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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