I think I just saw someone hide a body.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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