the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
