Pappa wants mamma naked
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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