we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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