Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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