You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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