You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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