I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
