her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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