Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize