The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
