yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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