the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
