break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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