He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
