One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
