I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
