did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
