And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
