I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
