tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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