tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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