Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You pole danced in your parka.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
