Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"

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(810): View more from Michigan

You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.

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(585): View more from New York

Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20

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(219): View more from Indiana

I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now

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(904): View more from Florida

i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.

(904): View more from Florida

Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again

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(815): View more from Illinois

The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...

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(714): View more from California

it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in

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