I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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