He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
