i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize