Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This is my gift to your gina
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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