I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
