My nipple is on Facebook.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
