I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
