His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
