just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
