i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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