The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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