She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
