If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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