I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize